If i was Bob Marley I said could you be loved
If I was half pint I'd ball the lord up above
If I was Mike Tyson I'd look for a fight
If I was a BoomtownRats I would be staying up all night
IF I was the king Ad-Rock i would get stupid dumb
If rhymes were Valiums I'd be comfortably numb

If I had a shotgun, know what I'd do,
I'd point that shit straight at the sky
and shoot heaven on down for you
Oh well the bars are always open, and the time is always right
And if God's good word goes unspoken, well the music goes all night

I want a lover, I can't find the time
I want a reason, I can't find the rhyme
I want to start some static, but I can't afford,
to hit the ground like I fell off my skateboard
Now a days as clear as you please, strap with protection or strap with disease.


Just jammin' tonight
Hittin' the pipe
Keepin' my mind right
Jam if you want to
be who you want to
Nobody wanna stop the beat
Just smokin' like I'm a beast
Let's hop a plan away from America
Find ourselves in the Bahamas
Smokin' that Rasta
That make you feel like a monsta


Having a great day! Beautiful weather, a beautiful moon, amazing smoke and feeling great. Keep the old new. Never forget to be thankful for all the good Karma that comes your way! Even through the roughest times you have to be strong for those you love.

Not Good Enough....Today

   Sometimes, when the wolf comes out, I get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Words are spoken, and fights are usually had. At these times, in these moments, I feel that I am not good enough. I start to think if I were better, I could understand more and there would be no fighting. But, no matter how I change my tone or manner of speaking it is like fighting a brick wall. The best thing for me to do seems to be nodding and keeping silent as much as I can. This works only in keeping the yelling out of the conversation and for the wolf to leave for a while so I can curl up in a ball and let the tears come. I feel like there is something I should do or say to stop what is happening but I can't think of anything.

   When the wolf is tucked away in the back of my mind I always convince myself that things will stay good for a time. Sometimes this works and others it is obvious I'm lying to myself. But when its just me and him I don't know how to be scared of anything. I can't keep from smiling and everything seems so worthwhile.

   I guess it can't be helped that I am so in love with a man who has two sides. I love and fear him in equal parts and while some disagree I just find it to be normal. I am lucky, in my opinion, he doesn't hit me or curse at me. He makes me laugh and smile. I know he will never leave me and he works hard to keep things on track and keep us afloat. I love this man, this wolf, with all of my heart. Hopefully there will a limited number of posts from me, the love, about the darker side f this man that I love. But no matter which I write about it will all be honest because I promised him they would be. And I keep my promises...always.

Feeling Unstable! The Change May Be Near!

Why is it that When I try to do right everything goes wrong? When I don't care everything goes right? I try so hard to be who I know I should be. But the dark side is the side that comes out on top. I continually question myself. I continually ask, why? I know the better side, however the better side is stuck with a perpetual dick in my hands. I mind my own business the cops are on my ass. People I trust turn on me. I want to do right but the wrong side wins. When I do nothing wrong, when I act like I should, when I act like a normal citizen, when I do all I can to be right... FUCK! I get a figurative cock up my ass, I get handcuffs on my wrist, I spend days locked away, I spend months asking why? I lose my desperate optimism, I lose my freedom, I lose my hope, I lose so much... Fuck, I feel EMO and I hate that term, I want to strike back, I want to go back! Should I give in? Should I go back? There was once a time I looked at life as a true Capitalist. I took what I wanted, I did what I could and I made money without thought, I hated on those that I sold to, I was the Tobacco Industry! I gave what they wanted and told them how stupid they were but still they came back for more. I ask myself every day, "Why be nice? Why give a shit? Why not make every penny I can?" The only thing keeping me from being the absolute beast I once was is my love. What if that fails to keep me safe? I have been doing right, I have been being safe. Now I am facing 40 years over something I didn't even do!!! There is a rat trying to save his own ass. Correction, there are 2 rats both guilty as guilty can be trying to pen their shit on me! I have only done what I had to do. They did what they wanted to do. This is the time the dark side of me kicks in. I am not talking about some Jedi bull shit!!! I am talking about real life, I have a bull shit wanna be Gangsta (from Connecticut, the whitest state ever, bull shit fake ass pussy bitch) and a spoiled kid from back country Georgia (Winder, home of meth addicts and spoiled rich kids, which he is both) saying I did the crimes they are responsible for. I know they are responsible because I once, not even a month ago, considered them friends. Huge mistake on my part. By no means am I innocent of guilt in my past, a good few years ago. I have done my fair share of drugs. Hell, if it came my way for free, I did it. This is the true other side of me. I did not care what I did to myself. I have tried all of the following; Speed, Ice, Hard, Soft, Green, E, Sid, OC, HC, Coffins, Special K... Let me stop the list there. But trust me it goes on much longer. I have been guilty of things I never thought I would do. I have stolen, I have robbed, I have cheated, I have lied, I have ran, I have... Once again I am going to stop myself there! I am not the man I thought I would be. Hell,I am not even close. If you would have asked me in 5th grade if I would have done any of what I just mentioned I would be mortified at the possibility! I am a dark, twisted, abused, lonely, worried, honestly scared, hate filled and disgusted man. However, almost every person that has ever known me would say, I am incapable of such acts and thoughts. WHAT? IS? WRONG? WITH? ME? I am, as I have said, two men in one. I like to think I am not the man I once was. However, current events pull me down a much darker path than ever I saw myself taking, even at my worst. A rat deserves to die like a rat. Painfully and slow with the final blows being my own hands taking their life stretching there last moments out in excruciating agony. I have more respect for the animal (a rat) then I do for a NARC!!!! DEATH, PAIN, GORE, and AGONY!!!!!! Snitches Get Stitches or End Up In Ditches!

Something Crazy

Tonight I want to do something CRAZY! I want to cut loose, I want to hurt those that have turned on me! I want them to hurt like I am hurt! I want them to feel the PAIN I feel! I want them to know they are not safe! I want them to feel there own mortality! I want them to cry like I have cried! I want them to feel there own innocence die inside! I want them to feel what I have felt! I hate feeling alone in my pain! I hate being the strong one! I feel week and strong at the exact same time! I need to run free! I need to kill my pain by causing it to others! This is my wish tonight. I blame not the moon I blame my own dark SIDE!

The First Full Moon

I start this blog for a few reasons:
1. To express my everyday self vs. my darker side.
2. To express this deeper side which is much more animalistic and opportunistic.
3. To explore the world and lifestyle of others who think as I do.(I am sure they are out there)
4. To explain to others the difference between what is thought to be a bodily transformation and the mentality of my figurative and emotional transformation.
5. Finally to give others an insight and opportunity to question and share there thoughts.

In summary I am a Changeling, a Lycanthrope. Not your stereotypical "I think I am a big bad werewolf" come on I have a better head on my shoulders then that. However, a man who when the time calls, transforms into a dark shell of himself and does things that even I would never have thought possible. I will in these posts go into much greater details but for now, on this full moon which holds it's sway on us all, I say hello and hope you will come back to read more.